5.52pm

I just have many questions running in my head. I want them to be answered but I don't have the guts to ask them. I don't have the guts simply because this was one thing I am very sure he tried so hard to avoid at all cost. All of a sudden he drops this bomb and I just want to know so much. I won't ask. I just won't. I mean I did ask questions pertaining to the issue itself but just not ones that directly matter to me. I cried over it a few times (yes I feel like a baby) but didn't make it obvious to him and hid behind a mask of 'Happiness' because I don't want what he did previously to be justified. Whatever he did then should not be justified.  It's too late. It happened before he tried to avoid it and now I'm the only one that if affected because he already did his part of making sure the cotton didn't catch fire.  At least his cotton didn't because mine did. Ouch. I'm suffering the consequences of what I felt then.

Would it have been any different if I had said up front?  But it must have been so soon and I probably wasn't sure. I will never be sure but it hurts. I don't think I ever shed tears for anything like this so does it mean everything was real or I'm just over reacting? Probably just over reacting. Mum thinks I should have just told him instead of getting all upset now. She thinks it is very silly.

My head hurts from all the thinking and I probably just have to force myself to let go. Maybe not now but eventually. Sorry for so much ambiguity. All of this makes this easier for me to process the things in my head better. On my way to class. Train is crowded. I'm just going to nap while standing :/

10.12pm

Ended class finally. Apparently the exam is on Saturday and yours truly has not prepared for it yet. I managed to swap my Saturday shift with Freddy so I can have a bit more time to study. That means for the next 2 weeks I have to work continuously.  Not that I'm complaining. I think its cool. I'll get to see people on the other shift.

So after the exams I've to start my baking proper. I'll be baking some stuff for my penpals and will be sending it to them. So my penpals if you guys are reading this, look for me to give me your addresses. Lol. Nah I'll just ask you guys instead :) I'm sorry that after so long when I blog there is so much of unhappiness around me. I guess it's the way I'm seeing it. It's like everything I held dear is broken and now I'm picking up the pieces...