1.14pm

So I'm not doing okay. I just want to hide myself somewhere. I'm not sure if what I did was okay. Not sure what the impact is because of all this distance and communication breakdown. I don't know how long I have to carry this baggage because even after deciding not to speak anymore,  there is still plenty of pain left. I thought this would make everything go away but it didn't. Feeling weighed down by this.  I need to think happy thoughts,  feel happy because this is not worth it. if it was, I wouldn't have want to let it go in the first place. I wouldn't have had such thoughts but because I did, it just means I didn't want it. I don't know for how long but it will be okay eventually.  Even if people didn't agree with me or it wasn't part of God's plan, it's okay. If God intended for something to happen, he'd have known that I was going to do this because nothing catches him by surprise.  He'll make the right things happen at the right time.I'm still guilty that I had to do this one day before his birthday. But he didn't show much emotions. So I shouldn't beat up myself about it...

6.03pm

Heading for class now. Bringing my last batch of cookies to share with my girls. I actually made cookies again on Friday night. Started at about 8pm and it took me more than 4 hours to finish it. Well I had used the semi sweet chocolate chips again but because it was in the fridge, they got harf and stuck together.  I was lazy to pull them apart,  yes, LAZY. So I heated them in the oven but turns out they had melted. I mixed the melted chocolate and my dough became a chocolate dough. I shaped my cookies too which was a hard task, considering I had to shape 130 plus cookies... I was very excited about it. I packed for J separately considering the fact that I initially started baking because I wanted to send him cookies (I'm not sending them now because we're not talking anymore thanks to me). So anyway,  I've had enough of making cookies. The next I'll make them is for Christmas.  I'll start cupcakes next and probably a few food dishes now and then...

I've started dieting already. As of today. It's a complete love hate relationship with getting into a diet. I know eventually its for my good and because mum keeps saying I'll be prettier when I became slim. So that's a shot right?  Haha. I got myself oats cereal for breakfast which I'll make at work in the morning. Then I'll sleep during lunch and eat my porridge in between work. Yes, I'm still having porridge for lunch, along with beans and pickles. Hehe. Then yoghurt sometimes. Today dad packed oranges as well, so I'll have them for break later in class. I'll eat some of my cookies too. Tomorrow going jogging with Dilla tomorrow. Can't wait.

11.17pm

Back home. Nothing much to blog about although I had so much in my head that I wanted to say. 

I thought of something brilliant on my way back home, like, "What would God say to me?". I mean, imagine yourself in a situation when you feel upset or something, and think what would God say to you. I know for a fact that God only says good and positive things so it would be nice to think what he would say. 

I just something really nice said to me by someone and it made me feel so nice :) I'm going to bed with a smile tonight! That's for sure!