Plenty has happened over the past week. Been contemplating on not doing backup anymore but got shot down saying I'm just making excuses and blah blah. Other things to make it worse happened, but no one would bother listening... As much as this makes the whole thing exciting and makes me feel honoured, there are other reasons as to why I'm having second thoughts on this, but yeah, no point talking about it.

I don't know if it's me or is everyone around me nowadays don't have anything to say in response to me. Okay, maybe not everyone but oh I get the picture, doesn't matter if the rest do or not. I've to start changing my routines and spend time doing other things because I find that I cannot continue doing the things I was doing lately. It just made me so happy doing it then and now it just upsets me. I just realized how pissed I can actually get after today. I don't think its too much to ask for and all this while it seemed find, but today, its NOT FINE! I feel that I am just lying to myself and I'm making myself believe that this will work out the way I want to! But NO!! This doesn't seem to be going right at all and I don't want to have false believe in all these things and just depend on God to carry me through this process. I don't understand myself sometimes as to why I have to cling onto all of this when its of no use at all. I probably just have to distance myself from everything and yes I mean everything... And yes, that includes "everyone".

It probably seems like I am just exaggerating, but no one gets it and they won't. People are just selfish and they can get absorbed in their own life. Not that it is a bad thing, but this just means that the people we thought were dependable, are not and there is no point blaming them because they don't know how we feel, they're just living in their world or some even think they know what we're going through, they think everything, but their conclusion is just so wrong. So they don't exactly know everything...

I'm sorry, I'm just very very frustrated right now. I probably need someone whom I can talk to, who would actually understand me, not judge me or make conclusions and know what to say to make me feel better. But I'm not going to look for anyone because I guess it doesn't happen that way. I will probably just drown in my own sadness for a while, be super super pissed and then I'll be okay in a while :)

Jasmine is going for another job interview tomorrow... I don't know what I would do without her around. We met eve before our training started when we came to sign our contracts, and then we had training together, went to the same department, and then she couldn't handle it and decided to go to outbound. I think its way much worser there. We're still in the same office, I can see her anytime by just lifting my head above my partition. And then because she went to outbound, she can go for lunch anytime so she changes her lunch time to my slot. And then today she tells me she has an interview tomorrow for a marketing sector. I know this is something she really wants but at the same time I can't bear to see her go :( She is the closest to me and she knows a few things that only I and God know, matter of the heart. And she always makes fun of me and when I told her on the new relationship update she felt so sorry for me because she was hoping the best for me while I was telling her its not the end and I was not going to give up but now I actually have given up -.-' We're some sort on the same frequency level although she doesn't think my jokes are funny and she thinks I laugh alot. But I know she enjoys being around me because she feels happy with me. We became more closer when I planned a surprise birthday celebration during training for her and she was overjoyed! Hehe. I'm going to miss her loads if she does get that job and decides to move on. I will have no one to tell my sappy romantic stories to, although there isn't exactly much to update her on but like I mentioned, she knows alot and its just easier to communicate with her. Oh God. I'm feeling miserable all over again...

Just like I had plenty to tell someone today and then decided against it, I also had plenty to blog about but yeah, I'm not going to. I'm just going to go and grab and ice cream, watch AIE, laugh at Siva Karthigeyan's jokes and make myself happy and fall asleep.

AIE is a show that keeps me going everyday. Used to do other stuff before going to sleep the past few nights, but lately I watch the shows before I sleep. Also watch it in the morning on my way to work. And yeah, its time to change alot of my habits and cling ons.