So I'm blogging after such a long time. I probably wouldn't have, but I'm blogging because it is a pretty eventful day for me. Not in a good way... I've apparently upset P who send me a message on Facebook and now has blocked me, probably for life... When he sent me the message, I was online, I could have replied to him trying to explain myself, but I didn't. I always find the urge to explain myself to people who misunderstand me big time, but this time, I didn't feel the need to. Or more so, I controlled myself. I don't know why. I just sent him a text saying that he didn't give me a chance to explain and he has misunderstood me but I respect his decision. I don't want to force him to talk to me and stuff. Its totally up to him.

In his very last message to me a while ago, he stated that I have freaking mood swings and multiple personality. He said he hopes I'd mature and correct my mood swings and personality. Oh and also stop playing with people's feelings... I sort of laughed to myself at this point because in the end, he just turned out to be like everyone else. We've been friends for 3 years and his message sort of sounded selfish. He didn't think about what I felt and he just thought about himself, and me not coming to meet him when I go to India. 

I know he likes me a lot, but as much as I have those feelings for him too, I just can't tell him that and at the same time, I know it won't work for us because we are from totally different worlds. That's one of the many reasons why I had to say I can't meet him. Maybe because I was just so fearful that if I met him, I'd really tell him how I really feel and probably we'd just end up making mistakes that could cost us alot. At the same time, I don't understand why he insists on meeting me outside when my Mum said it would be best if he came to our place instead. That's just another reason why I can't meet him. 

So yes, I'm a little upset that I might have lost a friend whom I've known for long. I wouldn't say very good friend because come to think of it, he might have only spoken to me because he had feelings for me. We never really shared anything so personal, maybe I did, but he never did. In fact, we didn't really have any sort of friendship. But maybe it was because we had feelings for each other... Maybe that was why things were different for us. Maybe we could never be friends, but more. But it just shouldn't happen...

So I called mum now, told her what happened because she after all knows everything. I couldn't figure out what she was thinking, but she told me that its okay and I shouldn't worry myself with all this stuff. He's gone. And I've to move on.

Maybe it was all for the best. Very relieved that we didn't jump in too far... Yes, 3 years was already too deep, but we still kept that distance. I'll just have to move on. And what happens if he comes back? I don't know what I'd do. Its all in the moment. Maybe I'll just ignore him, maybe I'll talk to him again.

Actually, he said definitely that would be his last message to me. So why would he even come back. And even if he does, I just wouldn't respond! I'm sure now.