I don't know how I'm supposed to feel now. I basically have nothing going on in my life. I feel very useless. I'll be leaving my current job as of 12th May. And then I've to do plenty of stuff for the church song slides and settle them with S before I leave off to India. I don't want anything messing up while I'm there because if anything goes wrong, I'll obviously be blamed and there are people who tend to blow things out of proportion. I'll have to compile the song list and hand them to the song leaders, then make sure every song actually looks alright when projected. Plenty of them need to have backgrounds changed, font sizes changed, etc. Just a lot of headache I must say. I should have kept done the necessary from day one itself. Don't know why I'm messing up everything -.-'

And now they've asked S to do backup singing as well. She's starting next week. No I don't feel threatened because she barely sings during worship so I'll just see what she does this Sunday. She's just too young to get involved in all this. But obviously I shouldn't say a thing. 

So I've just got 17 days before I leave my job for good. But probably less than 17 days because I'm not working all those 17 days. 

I've come to realize that practically no one understands me at all. Mum thinks she does, but she always misunderstands. So I think I'm just alone right now. Or maybe the rest of my life. Mum says once I come back from India I can't hang out with people anymore. Oh please! I haven't even been hanging out with my friends that much. All my life I go to school, and come back home and even if I did go out with friends, I'd be so afraid and I'd come back before it turns dark. I'm growing up, you can't shut me in for so long. I haven't met my friends in ages and we just meet occasionally. 

And then she says I spend too much! The fact is, I don't even have my own money with me to spend! She just keeps jumping to conclusions almost all the time. 

Mum should be glad she hasn't lost me yet. Because I'm afraid with the way she is acting, I might get lost. And I'd be far away from home... The thought of moving into my own house is just so pleasing now. I'll just have to wait...