Today had a class outing for which only 9 of our classmates came, and Evangeline too... I didn't really have much fun except the part where I was picking shells - I picked them so I could write a card for people and use the shells, but now I don't feel like doing so. And I was happy when I won the monopoly card version game... What Shou Xian said made me think... Do I always want to win? Somehow, what he told me, got me to think a little... And Luqman ruined my day for me yet again. Well done... He is such an annoying person and sometimes hurtful too... I was really upset with him. Somehow its always the muslim guys and me... First Safi, then Imdad, and now Luqman... Imdad was alright though, he was the nicest ((:

I'm starting to rethink my place in my friend's lives... Maybe I don't really mean so much to anyone except my mum. I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep... I tried crying myself to sleep, but even that didn't work for me. When I was on the train back home today, I felt so alone. Yes I totally ignored Luqman and refused to sit in the same cabin, we didn't exchange any form of communication or action. But I just felt so alone... Like no one understands, no one stands up for me. I just remember so many times when I people just say things to me, and everyone just laughs over it. Yeah I'm sensitive, but sometimes, somethings aren't a joke. I don't remember a single time when someone says 'Stop disturbing her', or something like that. Aren't friend's supposed to watch each and other's back. And why is it always me?! From primary school, to secondary school, and even now?! Why can't we all be grown ups?!

So yeah, I was feeling alone... And upset, and angry with Luqman for ruining my mood too. Like he spoils it so bad and he doesn't even say sorry. But when Salina doesn't even do anything, she thinks she caused something, and she says sorry. For someone who didn't do anything, why can't he be more like her... And I decided to just limit myself to everything. It sucks to be treated like shit even if it is for a small joke.

And I was so annoyed to see someone putting up some quotes... I don't know if it was something random or something intentional, but I was really turned off when I saw that. Maybe, since its her space, I shouldn't care... I won't bother then...

Person A was telling me that Person B told Person A and his friends that he has so much work to do, and he doesn't want to. Firstly, I didn't have anything to do with it. It was something the group requested... If Person B didn't want to do it, he could just say so, not make a big deal of it and tell others about it. If you didn't want to do it, then don't go along with it. SIMPLE! Sometimes I feel that those words you said to me that day, those that wasn't supposed to mean anything, actually was half true... Maybe it was completely true!

I'm sorry I'm such a slow worker in the team.

I'm sorry I'm not like others who finish in 30mins, and I take forever.

And I'm sorry if it hurts you so much if I ask someone to teach it to me. Just because I have a sample, doesn't mean I should understand everything!

I'm sorry that you have to do so much for the team, and I'm just a piece of shit that sits around the whole day doing nothing and making life difficult for you and others.

GAH! I still haven't felt like I let all my steam out. Guys, I'm sorry if my post was offensive to you guys. I'm just an over sensitive, emo by nature girl. And I'm doing such a horrible job being bubbly. When I say I want to be bubbly, it doesn't mean that I'm forcing myself to be something I'm not. GET IT?! It just means that I'm telling myself to be a carefree girl who is happy. Problem with that?! I just find it so true when I hear that there are bound to be people who would comment at everything you say or do.

Today, I have decided that I'm not going to care about what people say or do. I'm not going to poke my nose into other people's business and comment about it because I won't like it when people do that to me. So in short, whatever I don't want from you, I'm not going to do it to you. Forget bubbly, I'm just going to be someone who will try not to gossip about people and comment on what others do if it doesn't concern me. And if I have a problem, I'll tell it straight to their face... Not now, but probably starting from the time I get up later this morning because I for now, I have said what I have to say.

I know I must have caused something to happen as you are reading this... I'm sorry. I just couldn't sleep without getting this out, and maybe the people involved just need to know when not to do the wrong things, or just not to do the wrong things. I guess I still haven't conquered my sensitivity, and apparently, although there is something - like sensodyne for sensitive teeth, I just haven't applied my version of sensodyne. Maybe that is what is causing all this. My short temper, the fact that bitterness is all over me, is because my sensodyne is hidden away... It isn't far, it's just within reach... But I'm not making any effort to apply it. And that is bad.

Daniel... My moderator... Sorry you had to see this side of me )):