Ah, well, here I am again after so long. For those who keep coming back for some sort of updates, sorry guys :/ Too overwhelmed with many things and now they are quite in control I guess. Well maybe, maybe not.
For those who aren't aware, I left my job at SH. Just happened one fine day mum said I should look for another job because I obviously was not happy with this job. I reached probably the lowest point during that period because I was very sick and those few days at home gave me so much perspective on life xD 31st January was officially my last day at work. It was a sad moment leaving the office but then a great relief too. I felt so much happier than before :D
I took some time off from then till now to study for the exam. My exam was yesterday and it went pretty well I guess. I probably focused too much on the crisis definitions but they didn't come out :/ But I studied the rest of the topics too so it was quite okay. I hope I pass. I don't need another disappointment :( I had this very first assignment for my first module which I thought I did really well because I put in so much effort into it and when I got it back I was pretty heart broken. I scored 25/50. At first it didn't feel that bad and I was probably coping okay until Mona rubbed it in ;( She claims to have scored the same as me, which I can't confirm because she immediately kept her paper once she got it. Apparently during the period given to us for assignment, her brother was hospitalized and she spent so much time there she didn't get much time to do the assignment. She did it in like 1 or 2 days so she announced that its not fair to me for putting in so much effort while she didnt and we both got the same score. That was it, I got so annoyed to the max I actually told her off. Yes she apologized for it but still I was very annoyed and I couldn't stop thinking about it... Oh well, life goes on right. I just handed up my assignment for the 2nd module about 2-3 weeks back and I'm not keeping my hopes up this time.
So now its the pressure of getting a job. I just realized that I have been doing the most important things in my life to please people. Like getting a job. I'm trying to find a job that I like and would enjoy doing and mum is giving me alternatives like working in the IT field. WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! The reason I'm doing counselling now is because I don't want to do IT and then she says this... I have reached a point where I don't know what I want to do. AGAIN! I'm doing everything to please people I think. Okay, maybe not everything but those things that I should have the right to make a choice.
I think I'm making so many mistakes now and I'm looking up and wondering where is that person who is supposed to help me out of this. I thought he had my future in his hands? He does right? I'm confused about so many things and all I want to do now is run away some place and never come back :/ I'm doing all of this for myself or for someone else?
There are times that I feel so alone... Very alone even if I'm surrounded by so many people. Oh gosh I'm feeling so terrible. GAH,
This is a terrible cycle that I am going through and I know I need to get out of this...
For those who aren't aware, I left my job at SH. Just happened one fine day mum said I should look for another job because I obviously was not happy with this job. I reached probably the lowest point during that period because I was very sick and those few days at home gave me so much perspective on life xD 31st January was officially my last day at work. It was a sad moment leaving the office but then a great relief too. I felt so much happier than before :D
I took some time off from then till now to study for the exam. My exam was yesterday and it went pretty well I guess. I probably focused too much on the crisis definitions but they didn't come out :/ But I studied the rest of the topics too so it was quite okay. I hope I pass. I don't need another disappointment :( I had this very first assignment for my first module which I thought I did really well because I put in so much effort into it and when I got it back I was pretty heart broken. I scored 25/50. At first it didn't feel that bad and I was probably coping okay until Mona rubbed it in ;( She claims to have scored the same as me, which I can't confirm because she immediately kept her paper once she got it. Apparently during the period given to us for assignment, her brother was hospitalized and she spent so much time there she didn't get much time to do the assignment. She did it in like 1 or 2 days so she announced that its not fair to me for putting in so much effort while she didnt and we both got the same score. That was it, I got so annoyed to the max I actually told her off. Yes she apologized for it but still I was very annoyed and I couldn't stop thinking about it... Oh well, life goes on right. I just handed up my assignment for the 2nd module about 2-3 weeks back and I'm not keeping my hopes up this time.
So now its the pressure of getting a job. I just realized that I have been doing the most important things in my life to please people. Like getting a job. I'm trying to find a job that I like and would enjoy doing and mum is giving me alternatives like working in the IT field. WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! The reason I'm doing counselling now is because I don't want to do IT and then she says this... I have reached a point where I don't know what I want to do. AGAIN! I'm doing everything to please people I think. Okay, maybe not everything but those things that I should have the right to make a choice.
I think I'm making so many mistakes now and I'm looking up and wondering where is that person who is supposed to help me out of this. I thought he had my future in his hands? He does right? I'm confused about so many things and all I want to do now is run away some place and never come back :/ I'm doing all of this for myself or for someone else?
There are times that I feel so alone... Very alone even if I'm surrounded by so many people. Oh gosh I'm feeling so terrible. GAH,
This is a terrible cycle that I am going through and I know I need to get out of this...
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