I don't know how or when I should start. I look like the really happy and wild girl, but deep inside, I'm just broken. Broken up so much, nothing can put it together again... I only know that I trusted my dad too much. I believed that when he came back, he was going to be right there. That he was going to change, and he was going to give his best effort. They say old habits die hard. I wish I didn't have to go through yesterday. It was a little thrilling, but yet very scary. I didn't do it because I hated him, but I did it because I love my family. Oh wait, my dad wasn't included in the term FAMILY! I was worried for the safety of the rest of them when he started reacting. I had to do something, and I always do it right...

Its the final straw. Basically, I believed and trusted someone and I got my heart broken. I don't think any guy I liked or crushed on for that matter did that to me, or I never let them. BUT! I let my dad do this to me. I am crushed. Pretty much so... In tamil they say some proverb. "Namba vachi kallutha aruthutaan". It means he made you believe and slit your neck xD Oh but its so true in his case. He made us all believe he is changing and just that one incident, changed everything.

Mum understands how I feel. She knows it very well. I am ashamed. Very ashamed to have such a father. Yes he is my father, but eventually, it doesn't come down to the term that I refer to him as, but if he has indeed been a father. Bottom line, he's not been a father to me. I've never had a real father. And that is one void that is going to be there for the rest of my life. No one will be able to fill it.

I should stop thinking about this. Had to go to AMK police station last night. Spent $20 bucks on cab fare althogether. And seems like today he called asking her to bail him out. She asked me and I said, its up to her. Eventually, she has to decide because he's her husband. But she kept bugging me for advice, and she knew what I was going to tell her... Apparently, we have to go back there again today to drop off his medication. He should have thought about all the consequences of this before -.-' Men who do things under the influence of alcohol need to get a life because some, like the one I'm referring to will not be able to live their lives! Damn all this crazy addictions! Pfft.

Need to make a move now. Will blog when I feel like ranting more.