8.32am
I'm not able to explain why I'm feeling this way. I don't know why I have to cry myself to sleep, and why I can't sleep half way through the night. I'm known for being dramatic and might seem like I'm exagerrating, but no, I'm not over reacting... Nowadays, I feel so lost, so sad. And I tend to hide everything away by pretending to be so happy and jovial. I'm tired of pretending... I want to be myself. But I don't want people to ask me why I'm so quiet, or why I'm emoing. For now, I'd rather be a loner. But I'm so used to this whole pretending, that it comes very normal to me to be the way I'm not!

Was a little upset about something last night. I felt that dad could have been calm about it and not raise his voice. It was no issue at all. He could just state his opinion without having to sound that way... And I was watching HIMYM, and Lily has a similar issue with her dad in the show. And I think I cried my eyes out although I didn't have to. Despite my unhappiness towards my dad, I still did what I had been doing every night. Last night it hit me that I didn't mean my goodnight kisses for dad and it was just a routine. Even though there are routine goodnight kisses, we never do anything else. We don't talk much. I only talk to him when he's around when I'm going out by saying goodbye, or give him the mail or morning newspaper when I reach home in the evening. Sometimes he talks, asking me to eat and stuff, but is that ever enough??

9.53am
I downloaded batman begins and the dark knight yesterday and watched it. I love batman :) I remember telling Mr.Kulpu that I like movies that have men in masks and is filled with action, and I am in no position to explain what his response was. Lol. But what he said, is something I'd remember for life. Haha. So I watched batman, loved his suit, and all the action. Enjoyed the dark knight with joker in it. Was quite cool. Wish they maintained the Rachel from the 1st movie. The final batman is coming out next year. Will definitely enjoy it :)

My mood is much better now. My colleagues seem to be happy so thats helping my mood. I guess I adapt to my surroundings. When I'm lonely, I absorb my own emotions, with happy people, I feel happy too :)

10.36pm

Talking to a certain someone and he asked me the secret to my smile... And I responded by saying that usually the who has gone through so much hurt and pain, tends to smile the most. LOL! I'm awesome.

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