Hi... I don't know where I should start. Ranting here always makes me feel so much better. But I'm not sure for how long... Currently mum, granny and I are trying to pick up the pieces, put them together and move on. Sooner or later, I'd have to come out with this whole thing, so I shall just put it out blatantly... Not saying this for people to feel sorry for me. I don't need sympathy. Well, I doubt anyone really reads this anymore...
Last Wednesday, on the 6th of April, my supposed father, whom I don't want to address that way so lets call him BAD-D, hurt my granny. Seems that granny was making some muruku in the kitchen and he asked her what she was doing, etc and he said that it would consume too much electricity. < WTH?! Bad-D has been staying home for months without going to work, and he has been using so much electricity and he is worried about the bills?! What an a**! > We don't exactly know what happened or what words were exactly exchanged, but he punched her in her hand. < At first it wasn't a big deal, but her arm has this ugly patch which is thick and huge and popping out, it looks really bad > Then granny, being who she is, took cover by going into the room. Where Bad-D came into and kicked her on the leg and granny falling down on her butt < Granny claims if she was in the kitchen any longer, Bad-D would have poured the hot oil on her. She falling down, might have been funny at first, but now, she can't sit, or stand and she makes alot of noises when she is trying to move around. Seeing her like this is not easy, and considering how I've got so much work to do everyday is sad >
So after that episode in the room, it seems granny could not get up and Bad-D sort of took her and threw her onto the bed and left home. < I never knew granny was that light, she is big you know! >
So this happened in the afternoon. Mum and I met and came home that day to see something wrong. Usually, the door would be open and we'd be "warmly" welcomed by the 2 people at home. But instead, granny was in bed, and she was re-telling this episode to mum. Bad-D was nowhere in sight. Mum called him and he was talking to her. I don't really know what happened in that conversation because I was too busy being angry! I mean, come on! You have no rights to carry your anger out on the old woman! She does so many things for you and this is how you behave?! I was shouting! Telling mum that if he comes home, I'm going to call the police. I screamed! I said he was an animal to do this.
And Bad-D was saying that he was outside the police station and he was going to turn himself in! And get this, he lied. I asked mum to pass me the phone and she made me promise I won't scream or shout at him. So when I took the phone from her, he was telling mum that if he surrenders himself to the police, the family would be broken! < As if it wasn't already broken! It was never whole to start with! > And I told Bad-D, nicely, that if he doesn't surrender himself, when he comes home, I'll call the police. And he said, "Very Good". And he asked me to pass the phone back to my mum and said he'll go in. About an hour later, after still not hearing from him, and hearing my granny in agony, I decided I wasn't going to wait any longer and called the police, not the emergency number but the non emergency one. After that the paramedics came to check on granny and said its advisable to visit the hospital, but since it wasn't that bad, we decided not to.
That night, around 9pm, mum called Bad-D and he claimed to be at the police station waiting for the inspector who would only come in at 11... Mum didn't reveal the fact that we already made a complaint. That aside, the next morning, Bad-D called mum the next morning asking her where she was, she was on her way to work, and he asked if she could come to take him out on bail, which she obviously objected to.
And I got to work too. That day, it was 7th April. 7 is my lucky number, and whatever happened after that, I'm glad it was to my advantage :) Close to 9am, I got a call from the police asking me what happened, etc. Well, I thought it was some procedure, until he mentioned that my granny called the police this morning... < Granny doesn't know how to make calls and why this morning? > He told me that Bad-D came home and made a mess of the house. < In the call, Bad- D told my mum when he comes back he is going to throw/break stuff at home. And I locked my room for obvious reasons. So I was thinking that he could have done nothing to my room.> Then the officer asked if I locked my room, and he told me that Bad-D broke open my door and messed up my room. I didn't know to what extend, so I sort of left it at that. Mum had to go back home on half day and she had to see the horrific sight of the destruction an animal left behind. He scratched the cushions with knife. Slit them actually. And he broke the dining table and slit the seats and sofas. I only got to see the slits and some remains of the dining table under the block when I got home.
Why was I lucky you may ask. Firstly, it seems that few minutes after I left home, Bad-D made an appearance. I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I left home a little late. < Note : I sort of came back home after walking half way to the train station because I left my access pass >Granny said at the rate Bad-D was going, if I was home, he could have killed me. I don't understand why because what he did the previous day was inhumane!
Secondly I'm glad I didn't have to see the horrific sight of my room. There are 2 cupboards in my room nailed together. Seems that one day, Bad-D tried to move them and he couldn't, but he must have been possessed to do what he did that the cupboard that was nailed together, came apart and on the ground. And it landed on my bed frame, and he bought down the 3x3 bookshelf and well, nothing was standing. When I got home, things were messed up, but the furnitures were up in their places because Ps and Uncle G came over to help. Oh but I still had to see my door, which was broken with a hammer I guess...
Thirdly, because of whatever happened, after being in this 21 years of abusive and violent marriage, mum decided to call in quits! Well she needed some prompting from a few people! Mum never deserved this kind of life. She was always soft spoken and she received whatever she got and she never got the chance to speak up. But how long do you think I'd be watching this?! I'm growing up for Christs sake! When I was young, I'd always see mum getting beaten up and there were times I had to suffer too. Mum is too good to have this kind of life. And I'm not going to watch and keep quiet anymore. She knew she was never happy in this marriage, not even for a second and since we never got any sort of financial help from Bad-D and only mum was supporting the family, there is nothing wrong in going our separate ways. Now that is the best news!
Next, when the divorce goes through, and if we get the house, I can finally have the room redecoration :) Weeeeeeee! I already started moving my furniture around a little, but its still a mess with books all over, haven't had so much time to clean up.
Even if the divorce goes through and we don't get the house, we'll still be asked to sell the house and split the money and that means, we'll have a new house too :)
I'm just trying to make everything sound positive. The fact is, I'm really sad that I didn't have a normal childhood, and the fact that all my hopes and dreams for having a perfect family is dashed. We've just given Bad-D too many chances. And another chance could just mean that one of us may have to pay it with our lives.
Currently, my dad, < Not going to call him Bad-D anymore because he is still my dad after all > is probably serving his sentence. We're just not sure for how long. But the minimum would be atleast a year or so. Atleast from now on we won't have to whisper in our rooms, we don't have to worry about getting screamed at when we talk while watching TV. We can eat anything and everything and not worry about the noise the food makes. We can sleep in peace and not fear about having a midnight episode. We know we're going to be safe.
Dad. You don't know how much it hurts me to hate you. But I can't love you at the same time. We've suffered so much because of you. We don't think you would ever change. I do think about who would walk me down the aisle when I'm getting married. Or how I would even celebrate my 21st birthday without having a dad figure. I've lost 19 years of my life. And mum, 21 years of her life. Now its time we start life afresh with the past behind us. And we'll have a closely knit family now. Our family may not be so complete dad, but we know that it is much better than a complete one with you around!
I hope I'd never have to see you again.
And wow, it took me 1 hour to compose this whole post.
I forgot to mention that granny did an awesome job of going to the neighbour for help when someone was breaking my room door! I'm really proud of her and I respect her for going thorough all the despite her injuries! Hats off to your grandma! My respect for you has gone beyond :)
Last Wednesday, on the 6th of April, my supposed father, whom I don't want to address that way so lets call him BAD-D, hurt my granny. Seems that granny was making some muruku in the kitchen and he asked her what she was doing, etc and he said that it would consume too much electricity. < WTH?! Bad-D has been staying home for months without going to work, and he has been using so much electricity and he is worried about the bills?! What an a**! > We don't exactly know what happened or what words were exactly exchanged, but he punched her in her hand. < At first it wasn't a big deal, but her arm has this ugly patch which is thick and huge and popping out, it looks really bad > Then granny, being who she is, took cover by going into the room. Where Bad-D came into and kicked her on the leg and granny falling down on her butt < Granny claims if she was in the kitchen any longer, Bad-D would have poured the hot oil on her. She falling down, might have been funny at first, but now, she can't sit, or stand and she makes alot of noises when she is trying to move around. Seeing her like this is not easy, and considering how I've got so much work to do everyday is sad >
So after that episode in the room, it seems granny could not get up and Bad-D sort of took her and threw her onto the bed and left home. < I never knew granny was that light, she is big you know! >
So this happened in the afternoon. Mum and I met and came home that day to see something wrong. Usually, the door would be open and we'd be "warmly" welcomed by the 2 people at home. But instead, granny was in bed, and she was re-telling this episode to mum. Bad-D was nowhere in sight. Mum called him and he was talking to her. I don't really know what happened in that conversation because I was too busy being angry! I mean, come on! You have no rights to carry your anger out on the old woman! She does so many things for you and this is how you behave?! I was shouting! Telling mum that if he comes home, I'm going to call the police. I screamed! I said he was an animal to do this.
And Bad-D was saying that he was outside the police station and he was going to turn himself in! And get this, he lied. I asked mum to pass me the phone and she made me promise I won't scream or shout at him. So when I took the phone from her, he was telling mum that if he surrenders himself to the police, the family would be broken! < As if it wasn't already broken! It was never whole to start with! > And I told Bad-D, nicely, that if he doesn't surrender himself, when he comes home, I'll call the police. And he said, "Very Good". And he asked me to pass the phone back to my mum and said he'll go in. About an hour later, after still not hearing from him, and hearing my granny in agony, I decided I wasn't going to wait any longer and called the police, not the emergency number but the non emergency one. After that the paramedics came to check on granny and said its advisable to visit the hospital, but since it wasn't that bad, we decided not to.
That night, around 9pm, mum called Bad-D and he claimed to be at the police station waiting for the inspector who would only come in at 11... Mum didn't reveal the fact that we already made a complaint. That aside, the next morning, Bad-D called mum the next morning asking her where she was, she was on her way to work, and he asked if she could come to take him out on bail, which she obviously objected to.
And I got to work too. That day, it was 7th April. 7 is my lucky number, and whatever happened after that, I'm glad it was to my advantage :) Close to 9am, I got a call from the police asking me what happened, etc. Well, I thought it was some procedure, until he mentioned that my granny called the police this morning... < Granny doesn't know how to make calls and why this morning? > He told me that Bad-D came home and made a mess of the house. < In the call, Bad- D told my mum when he comes back he is going to throw/break stuff at home. And I locked my room for obvious reasons. So I was thinking that he could have done nothing to my room.> Then the officer asked if I locked my room, and he told me that Bad-D broke open my door and messed up my room. I didn't know to what extend, so I sort of left it at that. Mum had to go back home on half day and she had to see the horrific sight of the destruction an animal left behind. He scratched the cushions with knife. Slit them actually. And he broke the dining table and slit the seats and sofas. I only got to see the slits and some remains of the dining table under the block when I got home.
Why was I lucky you may ask. Firstly, it seems that few minutes after I left home, Bad-D made an appearance. I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I left home a little late. < Note : I sort of came back home after walking half way to the train station because I left my access pass >Granny said at the rate Bad-D was going, if I was home, he could have killed me. I don't understand why because what he did the previous day was inhumane!
Secondly I'm glad I didn't have to see the horrific sight of my room. There are 2 cupboards in my room nailed together. Seems that one day, Bad-D tried to move them and he couldn't, but he must have been possessed to do what he did that the cupboard that was nailed together, came apart and on the ground. And it landed on my bed frame, and he bought down the 3x3 bookshelf and well, nothing was standing. When I got home, things were messed up, but the furnitures were up in their places because Ps and Uncle G came over to help. Oh but I still had to see my door, which was broken with a hammer I guess...
Thirdly, because of whatever happened, after being in this 21 years of abusive and violent marriage, mum decided to call in quits! Well she needed some prompting from a few people! Mum never deserved this kind of life. She was always soft spoken and she received whatever she got and she never got the chance to speak up. But how long do you think I'd be watching this?! I'm growing up for Christs sake! When I was young, I'd always see mum getting beaten up and there were times I had to suffer too. Mum is too good to have this kind of life. And I'm not going to watch and keep quiet anymore. She knew she was never happy in this marriage, not even for a second and since we never got any sort of financial help from Bad-D and only mum was supporting the family, there is nothing wrong in going our separate ways. Now that is the best news!
Next, when the divorce goes through, and if we get the house, I can finally have the room redecoration :) Weeeeeeee! I already started moving my furniture around a little, but its still a mess with books all over, haven't had so much time to clean up.
Even if the divorce goes through and we don't get the house, we'll still be asked to sell the house and split the money and that means, we'll have a new house too :)
I'm just trying to make everything sound positive. The fact is, I'm really sad that I didn't have a normal childhood, and the fact that all my hopes and dreams for having a perfect family is dashed. We've just given Bad-D too many chances. And another chance could just mean that one of us may have to pay it with our lives.
Currently, my dad, < Not going to call him Bad-D anymore because he is still my dad after all > is probably serving his sentence. We're just not sure for how long. But the minimum would be atleast a year or so. Atleast from now on we won't have to whisper in our rooms, we don't have to worry about getting screamed at when we talk while watching TV. We can eat anything and everything and not worry about the noise the food makes. We can sleep in peace and not fear about having a midnight episode. We know we're going to be safe.
Dad. You don't know how much it hurts me to hate you. But I can't love you at the same time. We've suffered so much because of you. We don't think you would ever change. I do think about who would walk me down the aisle when I'm getting married. Or how I would even celebrate my 21st birthday without having a dad figure. I've lost 19 years of my life. And mum, 21 years of her life. Now its time we start life afresh with the past behind us. And we'll have a closely knit family now. Our family may not be so complete dad, but we know that it is much better than a complete one with you around!
I hope I'd never have to see you again.
And wow, it took me 1 hour to compose this whole post.
I forgot to mention that granny did an awesome job of going to the neighbour for help when someone was breaking my room door! I'm really proud of her and I respect her for going thorough all the despite her injuries! Hats off to your grandma! My respect for you has gone beyond :)
No comments:
Post a Comment